You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
