youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
