I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
