dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize