she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
