so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize