i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize