i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
