Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
