Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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