I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
