my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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