you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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