i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
