i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
