The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize