All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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