We're like a lot better than the average bears
our cab driver is having phone sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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