You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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