New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
accomplished twins. life is a go
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Randomize
