Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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