he thought i was a dude.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
