forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize