Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
