I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
