Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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