I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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