theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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