btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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