So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize