he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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