i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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