it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
