would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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