I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
