Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
