Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
