So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
