he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
