it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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