Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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