I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i think i have two assholes
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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