Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
