you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
