Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found puke in my bra..
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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