Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
