were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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