Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
