I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
