Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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