I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
