How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
