I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
