you would pick up someone in the library
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize