Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
