I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
