I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
