You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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