The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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