the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
