fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
