Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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