if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
