i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
