we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
