Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
