So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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