He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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