This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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