you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
