Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
