He kissed a someone with a penis
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
