You're a womanizer and a bitch.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
