so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
