OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Randomize
