I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
