I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
