I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
