nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
