Whod you bang
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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