Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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