I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
