Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize