you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
