I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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