If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
