Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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