Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
