Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
