There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize