our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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