i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My pussy is not your playground.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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